Lucy & Lola
The "Twins" Celebrate Christmas!
Hi! Hello Again! Meow! Meow!
Hey, its my turn to talk. You be quiet
Lola. Hi! Hello Again! Yip! Yip!
Sigh. Lucy, you are a spoiled
brat. Now just let me talk a bit. Lets see, what has happened since
I last wrote...
I'll tell them! I'll tell them! We
have been getting along really well. Lola and I play together all the
time.
You call that playing? You grab the back
of my neck and slam my head into the floor, shake me like a rag-doll and then
drag me across the room. You steal all of my toys and don't let me have
any. That's not playing.
Those aren't your toys. Mommy and Daddy got those toys for me. They
got you that diamond ring, remember?
Oh yeah, I remember. Mommy left it for me on the bathroom counter.
I was playing with it and I knocked it into the sink. For some reason she
started yelling at me so I ran away. Then she dragged everything out from
under the sink and started taking it apart.
Yeah, and I barked at all of the stuff. Mommy has so much stuff under the
sink. She doesn't need all of that stuff. I started taking it and
running away with it.
Hey, this is my story. Anyway, Mommy laid down on the floor with her head
under the sink and shined a flashlight up in the pipe. She must have
thought I dropped my new ring down the drain. Something was blocking her
view of the drain so she got a screwdriver and poked it up in the pipe. A
big blob of soap fell on her cheek. Lucy and I laughed and laughed.
Mommy went to Daddy's sink to wash her face but when she pulled on the knob, it
came off in her hand. Lucy and I thought that was funny too, but Mommy
wasn't laughing. She called Daddy and asked him to come home but he was
too busy at work. Mommy put all of the sinks back together and started
looking around on the floor. She found my ring where I had hidden it
under the bed and took it away from me. I guess she was mad at me for
playing with it in the sink.
Well, you're not the only one they get mad at. Remember when I knocked
over Daddy's drink so I could have some? I jumped over the arm of the
sofa onto the end table and tried to drink from his glass, but I couldn't get
any so I knocked it over. It was so good. Mommy said it was
"Rum and Coke". I don't know what that is, but I wish they
would put it in my water bowl instead of water.
What about the time I broke the pepper shaker?
Yeah, you were trying to get into the new bag of dog food Daddy left on the
counter. You knocked the sugar canister on the floor too.
That's how we got caught, silly. You had to run around the house with
your face covered in sugar.
Well, you're always getting caught on the kitchen counter. Mommy and
Daddy don't want you up there. I heard them saying they are going to get
something called a squirt gun to keep you off of the counter. I was
watching the news the other night and I saw them using something called a stun
gun. I think that would work better.
We're supposed to be talking to the people, not arguing with each other.
Lets tell them about our house training.
Okay! I'll go first. I'm doing really well!
Harrumph!
I AM! I've had a few accidents...
Accidents? I think they were "On Purposes".
Well, anyway, Mommy and Daddy built this chain link area in the back yard and
put in a doggy door so I can go outside without my leash! I like it
because it has chicken-wire over the top so even the birds can't get in.
I'm so little that Mommy is afraid a hawk will fly off with me. I'm more
afraid of the neighbor dogs. There are 3 of them, Tank (the GIANT boxer),
Sadie (the LARGE German Shepherd puppy) and a big white dog (I didn't catch her
name). I bark at them though and act like I'm not afraid. I almost
got my head through the chain link when I was trying to scare them away.
I had your back. I was behind you hissing, didn't you see me?
Yeah, thanks, you're a real hero. Anyway, I go outside to pee and poop
when my Mommy and Daddy make me. If I pee or poop, I get a treat when I
come back in. Sometimes I just squat and pretend to pee so I'll get a
treat. I don't like to go out when it is raining or cold, or I am too
tired to walk down the steps. Mommy and Daddy put some pee pads out in
the house and I use those when I don't feel like going out. Once or twice
I haven't had the energy to look for a pee pad so I just pee on the carpet wherever
I happen to be. That makes Mommy and Daddy REALLY MAD. They put
some rugs out in the kitchen for me to pee on too, but every time I pee on
them, they throw them in the washing machine. I don't think that is
really necessary.
Tell them about the time you pooped in the foyer.
The time? It was more than once. I like to poop on the rug in the
foyer, that way it looks like I was trying to go out but nobody was there to
take me.
But they've never taken you out that door. How did you even know it was a
door?
I'm not stupid Lola. I know a door when I see one. They had doors
at my foster home.
Okay, but the time Mommy got really mad was when that neighbor lady stopped by
to wish us a Merry Christmas and when she opened the door, she saw your poop
inside the door.
She was really nice though and covered for me. She told Mommy she thought
it was reindeer poop.
Mommy didn't believe it. She's not going to put up with your shenanigans
much longer. You should be doing as well as I am.
It took you a long time to figure it out too. You pooped in the planter
by the front door several times before you found your litter box. They
finally had to take the door off of the bathroom so you could figure out where
to go.
That's not my fault. Daddy was trying to "toilet" train me so
he put my litter box on top of the toilet which is behind the door. I
know where it is now so he can put the door back on.
Well, you may know where it is but you still pee on the carpet sometimes.
Yeah, but I have been doing that on purpose so they would think it was you and
punish you.
Mommy is onto you though, ever since she caught you peeing in front of the wine
cellar door.
Okay, enough talk about peeing and pooping.
Yeah, I bet everybody is tired of hearing about it. I know I am tired of
the whole subject. Let me tell them about all of my new friends! I
have met SO many people and doggies! Mommy and Daddy took me over to
their friend Nancy's house where I met Brian, Nancy, Carol, John, Bear and
Sabre. Lola wasn't invited.
I was invited. I just chose not to go. I knew there wouldn't be any
cats there. Just ugly dogs. Like that Bear. He's so ugly, I
think he might be your daddy. Anyway, I like for visitors to come to my
house to meet me. One day, Mommy had some
friends over to meet us. We met Sue, Karla and David. Nancy came
over too. We thought David was funny. He took off his shoes and
then stepped in our water bowl! See, I have met people too.
Yeah, but I got to go over to Miss Sherri's house and meet TJ, plus, I have
been to Home Depot twice!
Oh, forget it. Lets tell them about Christmas.
What do you know about Christmas? You are so into knocking things down
that Mommy and Daddy couldn't even put up a Christmas Tree.
I know that Christmas was awfully peaceful here.
You're just saying that because you weren't invited to go to Aunt Mary Jane's
for Christmas like I was. You had to stay here by yourself. I had
such a nice time. I even got to see what it was like to run around with
out a leash when someone opened the door and I snuck out. Mommy was very
upset. I didn't go far though, just around to the back yard where I got
some of Roo and Chili's food. When I came back in, we opened gifts!
I got a new outfit and a doggie treat cookbook!
Well, Aunt Mary Jane sent me a gift too. She sent me a box of kitty treat
mix. Daddy is going to make it for me.
I'm sorry you didn't get to go to Aunt Mary Jane's. There was a big dog
there named Roxie that would have eaten you!
The dog won't have to eat me. I think you're going to kill me
first. You almost choked me to death with that pretty red ribbon that
Mommy tied around my neck.
I wish the picture Mommy put in her Christmas cards was real. I would
like to cook you up for Christmas Dinner!
The feeling is mutual you yapping little mutt. If I weren't afraid of
what Mommy would do to me, I would slap you across the room with my claws OUT!
I'm sorry Lola, I didn't mean what I said. I love you!
I'm sorry too Lucy. I love you too. Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas to you too!
Merry
Christmas and a Happy New Year to All Animals and Humans Alike!
Lucy & Lola Morris
bjandtony@bjandtony.com